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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2009 20:08:24 GMT
I put a thread on here ages ago called "Stressed & Depressed". I had a look for it but I must have missed it as I trawled back through the pages of the board. Anyway, I was hoping you good people may be able to help me again.
I'm extremely stressed out at the moment. I don't really know why, I just don't seem to spend every waking moment in a state of complete nervous anxiety and no matter what I do, I can't seem to switch it off. I feel completely unable to relax & unwind and I can't bloody sleep half the time either.
I have been to the doctor who diagnosed stress and depression and I've been given some tablets which don't seem to be doing much, if I'm honest (I've been taking them for 6 weeks).
I try to avoid alcohol although I do like an occasional whisky & coke or a glass of red wine, and I have reduced my caffeine intake by switching to decaff tea and coffee, although I do still have some full strength drinks, expecially first thing in the morning !
I've been like this for more years than I can remember but I seem to be getting worse the older I get. I've tried telling myself to stop being so bloody stupid, to count my blessings, don't sweat the small stuff etc etc etc but it doesn't help.
I've tried writing down what's stressing me out but it just makes me focus on my problems, rather than helping me deal with them !
Has anyone got any tips or suggestions for helping to deal with stress ? How do you cope ? What works for you ? Any hints on how you relax ?
I'll be honest, I'm pretty fed up at the moment and pretty desperate. Mrs FA thinks I'm having my mid-life crisis but I've been like this since my teens it just seems more severe as I get older.
Any advice you can give that might assist will be very gratefully received.
Thanks
FA x
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Post by Tig on Feb 12, 2009 20:23:36 GMT
I think we are all different FA, and although some things work for one they won't be any help at all to another person  Stress is more managable than depression in my humble opinion. You can evaluate what stresses you have and try to minimise them as best you can. Depression I think is a different issue though, often difficult to pin down to specifics. It is a long time since my last bout, and I find being mega busy helps distract me, although with depression can come lethargy, so motivation is also a factor. What have you got going on that you can look forward to? Any holidays planned, or getting out once you get the new camera? Sometimes focussing on a few positives helps to clear some of the fog - only one person can really sort it - you. Sorry I'm not much help, have a big hug and a kiss from me anyway    x Tig |
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Post by Ruthie on Feb 12, 2009 20:37:57 GMT
FA, I don't think I can offer any practical help or advice but I'm replying so you'll know that I have read this and do care!! I agree with Tig about keeping busy. One of the best ways to relax is to use some energy on something which is NOT stressful and which keeps your body busy so your mind can relax. Have you got any digging to do at the allotment for example? You may not feel like it (and of course it may be too frosty) but if you can exercise your body it may help. In the meantime this is all I can offer! |
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Post by Barbara on Feb 12, 2009 20:53:11 GMT
You sound like my Hubby, there's no cure, it's your lot in life to worry for England, sorry.
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Post by farmersboy on Feb 12, 2009 21:03:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2009 21:41:21 GMT
Sex,plenty of sex,thats the best way to relax,FA That's a very kind offer FB but I'll pass, thanks. ;D FA |
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Post by Spruance on Feb 12, 2009 22:19:19 GMT
First off this is the link to your original thread from March 2007, Andy. You probably didn't go far enough back, but well done for remembering the thread title. gardenworld.proboards103.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=572&page=1#20927I don't generally have a problem with depression although I have felt very down at times with my illness over the last few months. The most important thing is to concentrate on the positive aspects of your life and to convince yourself that you will feel better even if it takes a while. Obviously I only know you from GWD, but I do know that you have a loving family, a house, a job and maybe a new car!  I don't see a lot to be depressed about there. I think that you're probably doing the right thing laying off the alcohol. I always prefer a tipple when I am already relaxed rather than as a way to relax. These days I tend listen to soothing music if I am really het up, but at one time of day it would have been a long walk with the dog. I am sure that Fickle would appreciate the extra mileage. It's surprising what a good listener a dog can be. |
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Post by Susie Snowdrop on Feb 12, 2009 22:29:17 GMT
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Post by JennyWrenn on Feb 13, 2009 7:02:43 GMT
I always find that after reading about some of the dreadful things happening in the world I feel grateful I am alive and healthy
Your good health is the most important thing in life, and a gift
Biking along country roads, on your own or with a friend, and hill walking is my way of escape from stress
Tablets F-A are NOT the answer - to me that is the downward slope
Many guys would swope places with you am sure - lovely family, new car, sweet doggie and most importantly you is GORGEOUS ;D
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Post by farmersboy on Feb 13, 2009 7:16:19 GMT
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Post by carolann on Feb 13, 2009 9:13:06 GMT
Sorry FA to hear how you feel, like some of the others I cant help with any practical help/advice but just to keep busy as Tig says or take a long walk with the dog to help you relax a bit more and if you have an mp3 player get some soothing music on it and listen to that while you walk or dig. |
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Post by nightowl on Feb 13, 2009 10:00:21 GMT
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Post by purplejulia on Feb 13, 2009 10:58:09 GMT
I am sorry Andy you are feeling so stressed and depressed.I can't add more than some of the other good advice the good people on this board have offered. Distraction can help you forget yourself and your problems, so working in the garden is good for me. I sometimes garden with my ipod on so I can listen to my favourite music. I find music really helpful. Jenny suggested biking o r walking and that is good for the feel good factor too. I can't bike on my own anymore, I have lost my nerve, but I often go on tandem rides with my husband. It is great fun. We used to take our kids out in Epping Forest on bikes. Get ourselves all muddy. I also agree that sometimes we need medication to get us through the worst times and there is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants if they help. I think as Nightowl says, sometimes it can be a chemical imbalance that can be sorted with drugs. Also don't feel ashamed or bad about yourself. Feeling negative brings you down. We all make mistakes in life and don't feel guilty about it. Keeping positive about oneself is good too even if you are feeling down. I know how you are feeling Andy, I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a number of years. Still can't sleep - have the radio on all hours. You are a lovely bloke and I applaud your ability to share your feelings like this. PJ |
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Post by Plocket on Feb 13, 2009 11:46:18 GMT
Oh FA hunny. You've been offered some lovely advice and support, but I have one more thing to add. My OH suffers from stress and one of the things that helped him was to have about 10 or 15 minutes to himself every night before coming to bed. He'd sit in the spare room, and do deep breathing exercises while thinking zen thoughts (he was into Budism in his youth). I can't tell you much more than that except that it seemed to help him de-stress at the end of the day and sleep a bit better. He doesn't suffer nearly so much now and whether it was because of the deep breathing or not I couldn't really say. I really do hope you find your own solution FA, and it's something you can move on from. |
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Post by snowowl on Feb 13, 2009 12:50:49 GMT
Andy i also agree that medication works when you are at a real low point . I have sufferd with depression and anxiety for many years. I have had to try many differant tablets before we found the right one. I am that bad i have ground my teeth down that much that i have jaw ache in the morning when i wake up so i must be doing the teeth grinding in my sleep. I do keep telling myself to snap out of it and feel lucky with all i have in my life there is a hell of a lot of people worse of than myself in the world. But it doesnt stop me from feeing down sometimes it is an illness and needs medication it would help if you can pinpoint what is causing you to feel like this. I know exactly why i do and what caused it there is always something that triggers these feelings i would keep going to your doctor till he finds the right medication for you personaly.  |
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Post by Susie Snowdrop on Feb 13, 2009 17:01:17 GMT
I COMPLETELY agree that medication works for clinical depression, I know cos I've been there. It's an imbalance of chemicals in the brain that affects your moods and, the only way of putting that right, is by taking medication. Some people only need it for, say, 6 months (even less sometimes) and others may need to take it for the rest of their lives. Sounds like your medication needs switching FA. It took me a couple of goes of different tablets before I starting to see a change. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with taking a tablet or two every day if it makes you feel 'normal'. Go back to your GP hunny, or even see a different doctor if needs be but definately pursue it as you should have seen some difference after 6 weeks. If you had a kidney infection and it didn't clear up after the first lot of tablets then you'd go back to your GP wouldn't you? This is exactly the same thing only it's your bonce instead of your kidneys i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd161/GWDAdmin1/Smilies/Default/kiss.gif Take care i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd161/GWDAdmin1/Smilies/Default/kiss.gif S xx |
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Post by andy on Feb 13, 2009 17:44:22 GMT
Hello big boy. My wife has suffered from depression since meeting me for many years now and it's a very hard thing for those who don't suffer with it, to understand. The tablets will help, they do take 5-6 weeks to start working so keep with it. Apart from gardening, do you have any other hobbies ? Something that can take you away from the stresses of life (fishing ?) or something that you can do with the family (cycling or walking ?) Have you considdered counselling ?....i tried it once and it wasn't for me but my wife goes a lot. What about Yoga or a martial art....something where you can channel your energy. How about a complete life change (don't mean sling the wife and kids out !!!!!  ) but maybe move house, change jobs etc. I know it sounds a bit drastic but i did it in the mid 90's and it was great. Anyway fella, whatever you decide, i wish you the very best mate. Andy |
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Post by MamIDdau on Feb 13, 2009 19:35:16 GMT
Doing things you enjoy will help ease any feelings of lethargy you might have. They do recommend exercise as it releases hormones that promote feelings of well being and will also help you sleep. I find 2 drops of lavender oil on a tissue next to my pillow helps me sleep but I can't remember if it was you who said you don't like the smell. Something like Orange essential oil or any other citrus type fruit are known as the sunshine oils as they remind you of summer and cheer you up. This website shows foods that help ezinearticles.com/?Foods-That-Help-Fight-Depression&id=290867As Andy suggested, counselling might help, it doesn't mean you're a failure, it just gives you a chance to talk to someone who will understand. If you don't feel the medication is working, although it does take about 6 weeks before effects are properly felt, then make another appointment for your GP to discuss it. There are other antidepressants available. And don't be afraid to cry. You're not stupid, you don't need to pull yourself together, you just need to work through the feelings, the ups and downs and come out the other side knowing yourself better. You'll know for the future then how to deal with it if you feel like this again. It's just something's gone a little wonky in the balance and the medication can help get it straight again and the other stuff should help improve it afterwards. Most of all, try to get some laughs. You might not feel like it but get yourself some time either to yourself or with your missus, watch your favourite comedy films, rent a new one, go to the cinema etc. Don't sit around the house moping as you'll only end up beating yourself up later on for doing it. Same with comfort eating. It might seem that it's what you want at the time but you'll only sit there later on feeling guilty for doing it. And something that always cheers me up-drawing on my face ;D  You can't beat a good pirate face. I hope you're feeling better sooner rather than later as I know it's not a great thing to deal with xxxxx |
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Post by MamIDdau on Feb 13, 2009 19:35:29 GMT
p.s. sorry for the essay there xx
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2009 22:57:37 GMT
My husband was diagnosed with depression 3 yrs ago, the type has has means he will be on anti depressants forever. There are good & bad days. Thankfully now far more good than bad.
Bare with the tablets, they do take some time to build up in your system. Your not soft, you do not need to pull yourself together, its not like that, the chemical imbalance in your brain makes you feel this way.
There are lots of sites & books on this, but I will say that you have to find something that works for you. With hubby its his motor bike. His primary care worker is excellent & always there on the end of a phone, so if some mental health proffesional is offered, give it a try.
I would say that you have to try to live with it rather than hiding under the covers so to speak.
The weather & lack of light of course doesn't help, have you considered one of those light boxes.
Pretty much what April said really.
Thinking of u
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Post by Juliet on Feb 13, 2009 23:26:22 GMT
Sorry to hear things are still bad for you, FA. I don't have anything really to add in terms of advice, because you've already got lots of it, just wanted to add another hug  If the tablets you've got aren't helping you sleep, get some different ones - some antidepressants have sedative qualities. When I had problems with stress a while back, GP gave me something which completely knocked me out. I didn't have depression - they were about a tenth of the dose they prescribe for that - but I had been incredibly tense and they made me relax and sleep all night (also felt sleepy for most of day, so I stopped them asap & got herbal sleeping pills instead, but I react badly to chemicals - whereas you sound as though you need some). CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) might help - you can get it on the NHS, but there's a waiting list - ask your GP about it. It's basically talking through things with a therapist, dealing with anxiety etc, learning how to cope with things which are getting you down. Also agree with April - get lots of laughs. Get Mrs FA to tickle you whenever she notices you getting tense! - seriously, it might help. |
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Post by nightowl on Feb 14, 2009 11:35:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2009 10:49:06 GMT
Thank you all for your messages. I am deeply touched and very appreciative.
I will respond in full later but I am busy this morning. I just wanted to say that I have read your posts and to say thanks to you all for your responses.
FA x
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Post by andy on Feb 15, 2009 11:56:42 GMT
Thank you all for your messages. I am deeply touched and very appreciative. I will respond in full later but I am busy this morning. I just wanted to say that I have read your posts and to say thanks to you all for your responses. FA x And so you bloody well should be 
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Post by blodau on Feb 15, 2009 13:41:19 GMT
FA. Just wanted to wish you all the best. There's already lots of good advice on your thread and I don't think I can add anything, but take care and I hope you find a way through.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2009 17:26:14 GMT
Hello folks Thank you all again for your support. It's been a really shitty time since the middle part of last year when my aunt passed away and since Christmas it has just been awful. I said on here that I wanted to "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) this year and get out and enjoy myself a bit more. Unfortunately, I've done pretty much the opposite and let everything get on top of me. There's some really good advice on here (love the face drawing idea April ;D) and I'm feeling a bit more positive today, thanks in part to you lot. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, it's just that sometimes I lose sight of what's important and get bogged down in the crap that goes with being me  I have already taken steps to take a bit of control of my life back and I'm starting a new exercise class (called "body combat") in a couple of weeks. I'm also taking more of an interest in my garden and allotment again and looking to keep myself busy rather than sitting brooding about stuff. I'm sticking with the tablets for now and will see how they go. My doctor thinks I should take them for 3 months and see how I feel at that time. He says there's no problem for me to take them as long as I need to so I'll see how it goes. If after 3 months I don't feel like they're doing a lot of good, I'll see about changing them to something else. I've been at a real low ebb and it's a real horrible feeling but the fightback begins now. However long it takes, I intend to take it 1 day at a time and I will beat this eventually. Thank you all, you're a lovely bunch of people and I really appreciate your thoughts. FA x |
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Post by prodigal gardener on Feb 16, 2009 18:20:43 GMT
Hi FA, I know exactly how you feel and my heart goes out to you - all I will say is that it does get better. Keep thinking positive and keep your chin up. oh and keep taking the tablets, they take ages to kick in but once they do - woo hoo !!  they aint called happy pills for nowt ;D |
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Post by MamIDdau on Feb 16, 2009 19:25:46 GMT
Face drawing is great. Especially if you do it without anyone knowing and then just keep it to yourself. Or like I did, take a pic and show everyone how nutty you are. I'm glad you're feeling more positive and are getting out there more. I know that with depression comes lethargy and that's one of the worst things to get past. Body combat will be good for you, release any pent up aggression, knacker you out so you sleep better and release the feel good hormones. Plus you'll get fit and then we'll have a problem with 2 people on here just called Andy cos you won't be FA anymore will ya?! We demand a pic of the 6 pack though! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2009 20:05:39 GMT
We demand a pic of the 6 pack though! I've already got a perfect 6 pack......  ;D FA x |
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Post by MamIDdau on Feb 16, 2009 20:13:03 GMT
Christ you're looking old FA... ;D
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I don't see a lot to be depressed about there.
) but maybe move house, change jobs etc. I know it sounds a bit drastic but i did it in the mid 90's and it was great.
they aint called happy pills for nowt ;D