And thats when the fight started...

[Missredhead]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....



****************


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started.....



*****************



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into
a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned
on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered,

'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's when the fight started ...



*****************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14..95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And that's when the fight started....



*****************


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay
me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started......



*****************


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started....



*****************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

And I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started...


*****************


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'

And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started...



*****************


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started...



*****************


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started...

[Jasmine]

;D

My favourite is the fishing one - 3rd one down.

[farmersboy]

All very good,but i think the fishing one was best to ;D

[Auricula]

Very funny ;D