Need help with a problem

[andy]

Here's the story. Best mate is a plumber but does lots of other stuff and has helped me out round the house no end....he's a real gem. He's also not short of a few quid...his wife works full time and has a well paid job and they have no kids.

As he's helped me out a lot without me paying him any money, i give him stuff that i no longer need....eg loads of books on gardening and bonsai growing, plants for the garden and recently, my two stunning Japanese maples from the front garden which must be easily worth several hundred pounds each.

This week, i put all my koi up for sale and he reserved two of them to a value of £130. Now i'm not sure if he expects these as a gift again....he took them yesterday and hasn't paid me. Now i can't really afford to just give them away yet he's done loads for me !!!

Would you ask for the cash...maybe just £100 or would you not bother ?

Tricky one really as he's a good friend.

[Jasmine]

What a problem Andy. I am going to be no help because I'm wouldn't say anything just wait and hope for the best. But you probably ought to say something. How did the initial conversation go - did you discuss money?

[Tig]

Hmmm, this is a bit tricky Andy.

I might be inclined to mention to him that you needed to sell the Koi in order to fund something else, as money is a bit tight at the moment (that may just prick his conscience, but don't hold your breath )

x Tig

[MamIDdau]

I'd have mentioned the cost before he took them tbh!

If you've not mentioned pennies before he took them, he'd probably assume they were good to go for free.

[MamIDdau]

Although, if you mention that you're hard up in your next convo and say "so that's why I decoded to sell the Koi", he might take the hint and offer monies.

But I still think it's something that should've been discussed earlier

[JennyWrenn]

Maybe he doesnt know the value of Koi but if me then I would ask for money otherwise will always be an atmosphere

[Tig]

You could just ask him if he is going to pay for his 'purchases' in cash or by cheque Andy, that way you are setting out an expectation of payment.

[Spruance]

All things considered I think you can probably wave goodbye to any monetary payment Andy, and the longer you leave it the more likely he will think the fish are a 'gift'.

On the other hand, especially as he has helped you out in the past, perhaps now would be a good time to ask him to help you with that 'big project' you have been putting off. i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd161/GWDAdmin1/Smilies/Default/wink.gif I'm sure you can think of something. i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd161/GWDAdmin1/Smilies/Default/grin.gif

[Deleted]

It depends on how badly you need the money mate. If he's helped you out loads in the past I would suggest that he thinks these are a reciprocal arrangement and that he doesn't expect to have to pay for them.

If you really want paying for them, you need to think of a way of bringing it into the conversation the next time you speak to him. I like the idea of telling him how tight money is and "that's why you had to sell the koi" (unless you've already told him something different) and you could always compromise on the price. Say they were £130 worth but you'd take £80 because he's a mate and he's helped you out in the past.

The other alternative is to wait and see if he offers you anything. If he doesn't, then you know he thinks they're a gift and unless you mention it pretty sharpish, you won't see a penny.

It's a tough one. You don't want to mention it and upset him so he doesn't help you out in the future but equally, you need to find a way of getting some money from him without having to simply ask him direct. Good luck with it.

FA

[beanie]

If you have given him your maples which were worth several hundred pounds maybe he thinks you won't be expecting £130 for the fish. Even so it's thoughtless of him not to offer if he knew they were for sale. I think what I'd be tempted to do is drop a few well placed hints as mentioned and if nothing happens accept his help in the future and hold back on the free gifts.

[prodigal gardener]

If it were me - I'd ask him straight out if he is going to pay for them or not as you were hoping to make a bit of money from the SALE of the fish - money is too tight to be faffing around. If he's not willing to pay you for them then he's being a bit selfish and I would think twice before giving him first dibs on anything else you are thinking of selling. But then again my mouth is always getting me into trouble !! Having said that the ones with the money are usually the last to part with it on a voluntary basis, so maybe a massive hint along the line of - oi when you paying up for the koi - might be in order ??

[Barbara]

Andy , just say, ''when I get the money from you for the fish, I'll be able to finish the greenhouse. Then I can grow stuff for you.'' It's only going to eat away at you, and probably spoil your friendship anyway.


What are these men on here like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Auricula]

I wouldn't say anything - friendship is more important and after all he might decide to ask for payment for all the things he has done for you in the past. Put it down to experience and don't let it sour the relationship.

[Ladygardener]

Since your friend has helped you out lots and no doubt will do again then I'd just let it pass now at this stage and not say or do anything about it at all Andy. To bring it up at this stage would just be awkward and might even dent your friendship.

[flowersfriend]

Very difficult.... If your friend knew about your dilemma how do you think he would feel? Maybe thinking about that a bit will help with the answer.

[Jasmine]

How did you get on Andy - what did you decide to do?

[Ruthie]

Jus ask him for the money, in whatever way you want...ie, straight out or round the houses. Don't just leave it as it will fester and COULD ruin your friendship. Presumably he knew the fish were for sale so he ought to expect to have to pay for them. Nothing wrong with giving a friend a discount but, however much he's done for you in the past, he should NOT expect to get freebies all the time as a matter of course....especially after the Acers!!

By the way....don't do as I do do as I SAY

[Auricula]

What happened Andy??