With apologies to anyone from Essex!!!

[Plocket]

Essex Dictionary

ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building.

ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Tracy, She'll have an art attack."

ARST - Past tense of ask. "Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room."

BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. "Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa."

BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.

BAVE - To wash oneself.

BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Stacey or Tracy?" "Boaf" is the reply.

BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent.

CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel."

CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.

CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.

CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)

DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.

DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.

DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?"

DREKKLEE - As soon as - "Drekklee R got 'ome R givva the fried rice but she wozzn intrested'

EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."

EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

ERZ - Belonging to her.

EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles."

EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.

FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.

FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.

FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990.

FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it off wiv fingy last night."

FONG - Skimpy undergarment.

FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G. "For cryin at laad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?"

GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good."

GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.

GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand."

HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.

IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's a bit iffy."

INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to wash iz feet."

IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels. "That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips."

JA - Do you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Tracy."

JACKS - Five Pound note. "Lend us a jacks, wilya?"

JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?"

KAF - Eating house open during the day.

KAFFY - A girl's name.

LAAD - Noisy. "Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too laad."

LARJ - Enjoying oneself.

LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.

LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.

MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.

MAFFS - The study of numbers.

MANOR - Local area.

MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).

NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand but changed er mind. That was a narra escape."

NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).

NEEVA - Not one nor the other.

NES - National Elf Service.

OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment.

OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.

ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist."

OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit."

PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but they got a padda puff defence."

PACIFIC - Specific.

PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.

PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.

PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.

PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.

QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."

RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group.

RANDEER - Locally. "There ain't much call for it randeer."

REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. "I couldn't 'elp it. I was on the reband from Craig."

ROOFLESS - Without compassion.

SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north.

SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town.

SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.

SEEVIN - Very angry. "I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed."

TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. "Dave's gan dan tan to eye up the talent."

TAN ASS - A modern terraced house.

TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. "Ere look at that, Darren, she's well top evvy."

UG - An unattractive person. "Tracy's new geezer's a bit of an ug."

UMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump.

VACHER - A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. "I got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park."

WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."

WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon.

WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in "It all wennoff".

YAFTA - You must : "Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances."

YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night.

ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true. "Craig, I must've told ya a fazzund times lready." "Don't zaggerate, mum."

[Deleted]

Plocket

PMSL ;D ;D ;D

Living on the Suffolk/Essex border as I do, I know people who speak like that !!!

FA xx

[Susie Snowdrop]

PMSL
My boss talks like that ;D ;D ;D ;D

Susie x

[lottielady]

And just what is wrong with the way I speak?? ;D

LL x
<carfluffydicesmiley>

[Auricula]

I come from Essex and used to be pi***d off with so called "Essex Humour". But now I think "What the hell" there's no pont in being touchy even if I truly DON'T speak like that!!!!!!!
After all it's better than being from some anonymous place like Staffordshire

[Plocket]

I'm not from Staffordshire though Auricula - I'm from SE London!!!

[MamIDdau]

I don't see why people are touchy about this kinda thing anyway. It's like people complaining about the Pot Noodle adverts and the welsh miners. There were welsh people complaining about it. What for?! It's a funny advert and if you can't take the mick out of yourself then there's something wrong with your sense of humour!

I actually grew up near manchester so when people take the mick out of the welsh or manchester accent, I don't go up in arms, I laugh (if it's funny content).

[Plocket]

I don't think Auricula is touchy about the post Aprilaydee!! At least I hope she isn't - I really didn't mean to offend anyone.

[lottielady]

I aint fended iver Plokit!

LL x
<not mentioning the knickers from next joke smiley>

[Plocket]

Fended? I fort that was when you pranged someones car!!!

[lottielady]

Nah - we ave bumpas ona mota ere ! Fendas is wot yanks ave!

[MamIDdau]

plocket said:

I don't think Auricula is touchy about the post Aprilaydee!! At least I hope she isn't - I really didn't mean to offend anyone.

I didn't mean that she was... I hope she didn't think that I meant she was... Is anyone else confused?!

[sleepysunday]

After all it's better than being from some anonymous place like Staffordshire

Staffordshire? Anonymous? Nonsense.

Staffordshire is a grand place. It's just not known by many southern wooses becuase they don't take their holidays there. The folk of Staffordshire are quite happy with that.

[lottielady]

Sleepy Ive bin there on oliday! Wena alton tauws!

LL x

[Plocket]

Ok here's a confession from a Suvvern gurl - I didn't know where Staffordshire was before I moved here

But it's a gorgeous county and I don't ever want to leave. (Can't afford to move anyway!!!!! )

[Deleted]

Hi P - my OH is from Fulham but that is exacly the way he talks!!!!! He was born and bred there before it bacame up-market!!! And my daughter talks like me and my son talks like OH - even though they were both born in the same place - Richmond, in Surrey.
And sorry about the Essex joke again - LL - you have a long memory !!!!
Take care - PA

[lottielady]

Don't apologise PA - that was one of the best Essex girl jokes ever!

LL x

[Auricula]

Certainly wasn't offended Plocket - I thought it was very funny!!
I went to college in S.E. London - Goldsmiths at New Cross ( a long time ago!! )

[Plocket]

Oh I know Goldsmiths! Every year I used to go to the Art Students exhibitions - fabulous stuff!