Dear Microsoft

[Deleted]

Dear Microsoft

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, that I'd used for years without any trouble.

However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several
other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancee 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse2000.

Shortly after this upgrade however I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run.

For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail p*rn filter and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processing that also drains my resources. It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.

When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my BMW 3.23 programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2001, but there could be problems: a friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2001 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un-installing
itself.

Can you help me please?

[Dr Bill]

I have a couple of suggestions which may help.

1. As you point out Mother-in-Law cannot be deleted from your system but will expire eventually. In the meantime I find that Deafear 1.3 enables me to carry on with other matters. Also answerphone 2.6 allows monitoring of the program's input

2. You might consider it worthwhile to invest in Fiat 1.4 or so,ething similar which wife1.0 can run while you remain logged on to BMW 3.2.

3. I would caution against the use of Mistress 2001. Like Mother-in-Law it can be difficult to get rid of when no longer required. It also carries similar risks to PartyGirl and can install a viscious program called Blackmail 3.0

You won't find these suggestions in the help files but additional support may be found at
www. downthepub.org

[sweetleaf]

Wife 1.0 later morphs into MIL 2.0 with associated programs called SIL and DIL, as at this point www.downthepub.org becomes useless, (access being denied repeatedly), there is a help program @gardenshedboozer.co.uk or greenhouseguzzle.com.
Use of mistress 2001 can lead to castration2.1 and Bankruptcy1.0 therefore is not recommended by Microsoft or its associated suppliers.