Giving up on my garden

[Deleted]

I am officially giving up on my garden for the forseeable future

I've decided that having 2 young children is mutually exclusive to being a gardener. You just can't do both. I had an afternoon planned in the garden yesterday. Mrs FA went out to have her hair done so I intended doing a few things while cherub & demon boy played on the swing and in the playhouse.

I wanted to tidy up the greenhouse and start moving stuff in readiness for our building work to commence later in the Spring. I also wanted to plant a few onion seeds in pots.

Well, I managed to get the onion seeds planted as I was only interrupted by cries of "daddy" about 400 times. As for the rest of it, forget it. "Daddy, help me", "Daddy, watch me", "Daddy, I need some juice", "Daddy I want something to eat", "Daddy, I need a wee" etc etc etc After the 9000th interruption, I did what any self-respecting person would have done. I put the kettle on, made a cup of tea and sat in a garden chair enjoying the sunshine.

The upshot of it is that I have come to the conclusion that I just can't be a gardener and have young children. Mrs FA is out at work every evening, all day Friday and alternate Saturdays. Sundays are "family days" and if I suggest we get out in the garden as a family, we usually have an hour at most before the kids are bored, even if I get them to help me do some digging or planting.

When you add to that the fact that we are getting a dog and having not 1 but 2 extensions (one front and one back) this year, I might as well forget it

I feel pretty glum about it but I'll mow the lawns regularly, weed the borders when I have to and forget about the rest. Something has to give, unfortunately. Maybe when the kids are a bit older, I'll have a bit more opportunity to get out there.



FA x

[prodigal gardener]

I didn't start to really enjoy my gardening until my kids hit teenage, up till then they do demand too much time and attention. Keep on top of your garden and keep it ticking over then when you have a bit more time for you, it will be there waiting. If you are having building work done you might as well pack it in anyway, cos there is nothing like a herd of hairy arsed builders to bugger your garden up - believe me I live with one ;D You not going to abandon us tho are you

[Tig]

Never mind FA, bet you wouldn't want to swap your kids for all the gardens in Eden eh?
And they will soon be growing up - time flies, before you know they will be teenagers

With a bit of planning, some things only take a few minutes - you just need to do the gardening a bit at a time

x Tig

[Barbara]

i didnt garden properly when my 3 were little, when they get older, and dont want you any more thats the time to begin in earnest, until then just potter. and when they are older they will probably want to help

[4pygmies]

Oh Tarquin....you poor thing...I sooo well know the feeling! For years I struggled to have a garden as well as my children/dogs/cats/hens/ducks (oops) and it's not easy is it? The early years are the worst as the children are just constantly wanting/needing your presence but it does get easier....once they get to the'den' stage it can even be fun!
I am lucky now to finally have a big enough garden to be able to have 'my' bits and the kids bits ..and now I have grandchildren as well as smallest......maybe you should try wildlife gardening for a while and go all out to engage the children in learning about that sort of stuff instead.....cheer up, honey, we've all been where you are now X

[andy]

I know where you're coming from mate.

Can you not give them a little plot to dig and get as muddy as they want...collect worms and other bugs etc....set them tasks and tell them not to come back until they've eaten collected 10 slug or something.

I bought my daughter her own little gardening set...rake, fork etc as well as stuff for when i'm building in the garden and she loves it.

Best of luck !!!

[Dutchy]

FA always something new in Life
Without doubt you will find some space for your green fingers.
As Andy said give them some bit of garden to do whatever brings them satisfaction.
Before you know it they will be behind a computer ( probably yours ) and tell you to go and play outside as they are bussy chatting with their friends now.
Enjoy the time you can have with them.
Gardening in due time will return.

[Deleted]

Thank you all.

Andy - they already have a wheelbarrow each, rakes, forks, trowels etc. They do enjoy digging and making "worm cakes" (mud pies to the rest of us !) but it's just that no matter what you're doing, an hour is the most time you can keep them interested. During that time, there is a constant stream of "Daddy Daddy Daddy" and after that they're no longer interested.

To be honest, it's a bit of a weight off my mind. I kept getting annoyed because I just have no time to do anything out there and it bugs me that the garden looks scruffy. I just think that now I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I can't do much in the way of gardening while the kids are young, I can relax about it a bit. I'll still mow the lawns and trim the edges, as well as doing a bit of weeding and growing a few veggies in pots but the rest of the garden will have to take care of itself for a while ! You never know though, if I stop interfering, it might even look better for it ;D

I certainly won't be leaving the board though. Why would I do that ? Anyone would think this is a gardening board or something.......

FA x

[Amo]

Hi FA. I've just looked at your garden. You have a fantastic lawn. You bring your kids here, I'll entertain them and you can fix my lawn!

Your kids must be very young to be that much of a pain. Mine grew up knowing that if Mummy didn't have her garden time, them Mummy got grumpy. They even learned how to make dinner in the end. Now my daughter comes home on leave and the first thing she does in put on her gardening togs and ask for a list of chores. She can't wait for the grounding experience of domestic life, especially the garden.

Don't give up too much, the kids will grow, too fast for most people, but it's also your life and you need the garden thing for yourself too!

[Deleted]

Amo

The kids are 4½ and 2.

I HAD a fantastic lawn. It's full of moss at the moment. I have got a new electric lawn rake and an aerator though so I'll be having another go at it when I get time......... ;D

FA x

[Biggles]

FA-
I used to have a lovely garden but had to give it up because I moved (because of OH's health etc.) I only have a couple of Very small patches now,
I still visit this Board to keep me in touch with Gardening frends and offer any help I can which you could do aswell.
Enjoy your children while they are still young, they soon grow up-it is surprising how time flies!
Dont leave us altogether--because we would all miss your posts and good humour- ;D---Bigs

[Cheerypeabrain]

It's just temporary darling boy...you can still grow container veg if you feel the urge ;D

Like Karlslass, I didn't really start gardening properly until the boys had grown up and the dog died Doggies do like to dig...You might find that as your children get older they actually want to grow stuff..the schools seem to be getting more savvy about horticulture and the importance of locally sourced vegetables etc.

Don't you worry. Just enjoy your children...they grow up so fast. ;D

[isabella]

Hello Andy - I can understand how you feel - we had 3 boys under the age of 5
When they were young the garden was divided into a big square of lawn for them to play on and a veggie patch at the bottom to grow very ordinary veg-potatoes,carrots etc. We didn't have a greenhouse until the boys reached their teens!
Just keep your garden ticking over - time flies and you will soon be able to devote more time to gardening.
You musn't miss out on your children- they grow up so quickly - then the next thing will be having grandchildren to keep amused

[Jonah]

Andy I know exactly what you mean. I've got three aged 2, 4 and nearly seven, and it's extremely hard to get any quality time in the garden when they are around. I try to get them involved, but as you say, you're lucky if they are happy for an hour. Mine usually start squabbling after about 15 minutes, and I spend more time chasing the two year old out of the lounge in her wellies, and brushing compost out of a very finicky 4 year old ladies hair, than doing gardening.
It can be quite disillusioning. My garden is my only therapy and escape during the daylight hours, and having so little time to get outside makes me go crazy! I am hoping [fingers crossed] that we will have a reasonable spring/summer this year, and with only one at home now most of the day, we can spend a bit of time pottering. Last year was a complete washout.
I hope you do get to spend a bit of time out there, but if it is only chilling while watching the children play, then that's not too bad, is it?
Let's hope we have a good garden year, even if we aren't doing much gardening. Even if you don't get much done, getting out there to spend some time with a Pimms without it being a washout is definitely overdue. ;D
I'm sure it will get better for you when they are a bit older and not demanding quite so much attention. But everyone is right, enjoy them when they are young . I can't believe my oldest is nearly seven now, and going up to junior school later this year. seems like only yesterday he was running round the garden in just nappy and wellies!
I'll probably be sent back out to work when they are all at school, so bang goes my gardening fest.......
Take care [sorry to prattle on! ]

[magrich]

They do grow quickly ........you will be amazed!!

Just doing 'essentials' will keep your interest, and just think how much easier it will be to cope with buildiers rubble and rubbish without tearing your hair out because they are damaging your plants.

I think we have all 'been there' and can sympathise, but ' this too will pass'.
think of the fun you can have planning it all in your mind, then changing it all again, without all the digging.

[Essexgirl]

"Summers" coming. Maybe you will be able to get into the garden a while once the kiddies are in bed. It should be light until about 10pm.Thats what we used to do.Leaving the door open so we could hear them and they could find us if they woke up.
Won't be long before you're trying to stay awake until 2 in the morning waiting for them to came home safely. ;D

[Weeterrier]

There are stages in our lives FA, once the children are off your hands, you'll have all the time in the world to do your garden. I didn't get my first garden till I was 37.
It won't be long before you'll have to be forcing them to come out of their room, and to spend time with their Dad.

[Amo]

So, in the light of the allotment and the huge progress all four of you are making on it, hows the home garden? I hope you are looking at it in a different light now. You have a nice amount of space and the enthusiasm has been sparked.

[cjhomebird]

My daughter used to spend hours picking bugs and grubs off my plants when she was little. She loved it.
It is hard, but chin up, my little bug picker is now a beautiful hormonal teenager, and wouldnt touch the garden, she might break a nail or smudge her mascara. ;D ;D ;D


CJ

[thecleaninglady]

I didn't garden when my two were little. The lawn housed the swing, see-saw and slide. It also doubled up as a cricket pitch and rugby pitch, with the paddling pool occupying it in the summer. I had small borders around the edge, and just kept them tidy and the grass cut.
Once they outgrew the swing etc, I was able to start gardening again.
It is true, your children will grow up quickly, so enjoy spending time with them now. You will get your garden back in time.
But I hope that you will continue to post on this board - we would all miss you if you stopped.

[Deleted]

Just want to say I share the views of everyone else on here Andy, you're family will always come first but just keep your interest going with a few small jobs like you said. Completely empathise with your plight having a six year old myself, it's virtually impossible to find the time. Don't lose interest though, I think being a gardener goes with being a daddy.

[Auricula]

Hi Andy, just caught up with this thread. You're right,kids,dogs and gardens don't mix well.When my boys were small and we had a dog and cat the garden was just an outdoor space, in fact I didn't get into gardening until they were grown up - it'll still be there for you then Enjoy the kids and be grateful that they want your attention, they'll grow up all too quickly