What more can I do?

[Ruthie]

I just have to get this off my chest.

My Mum is 89 and has been deaf in her right ear since she was a child. For many years she has been going deaf in her left ear too. About 15 years ago she was given a hearing aid for her right ear but simply couldn't get on with it as she was not used to hearing with that ear. Result, she will not wear the aid in her right ear and has even convinced herself it has been "sent back". It hasn't. It's in her dressing table.

Anyway, she's had an aid for her left ear for a long time now but in the last few weeks she's had a lot of difficulty hearing. I took her to the hearing aid clinic and they replaced the tube as it was blocked (why hadn't I thought of that). She also had her ears syringed last week but she still had difficulty hearing.

Monday I took her to the GP as she said she had some discharge from the left ear. GP said there was a slight infection and gave her some ear drops........come back in a week if it's not better.

Today I got a call from my Half Sister in France (not her daughter) who had just phoned Mum and she was in a state 'cos she couldn't hear on the phone (she has an amplifier attached to the phone). Although she didn't put it like this the gist was "what are you going to do about it?

Mum doesn't like to worry me and gets in a state if she thinks she is so I said there was no point me going round there as she would feel bad about worrying me!!

Anyway, phoned Mum and we had a sort of conversation in which she said she is going to stop using the drops because they are making it worse.

Next minute she phoned again to say she had knocked her TV off the stand so OH went round to sort it out. While waiting for him to come she rang me but couldn't hear me so didn't say why she was ringing and hung up! I rang her straight back to find that she was worried she'd missed OH because she had the door locked. (OH duly arrived and righted the TV)

I know there are no easy answers but I'm at my wits end. I feel responsible for her welfare and when she has a problem I feel that I should sort it out (mostly I do) but I'm stuck on this one!

I know you won't be able to give me the answer but I just had to let off steam and where better than here?

She's coming for lunch tomorrow so I will try and persuade her to use the ear drops and, if her hearing is no better, will make an appt wth the GP for next Mon. But what then? A referral to the Hosp which will take several weeks for an appointment!

Basically I feel powerless to help her and therefore feel that I am letting her down and there's a lot of guilt goes with that.

Thanks for reading! I don't expect any wonderful solutions. Guess really I'm just seeking sympathy!!

[Missredhead]

If it makes you feel better then you get it off your chest.........



sorry that I can't help you but I'm willing to listen.

Missy xxx

[Barbara]

I'm really sorry to read this Ruthie, I know how hard this type of thing is,having just lost M-I-L who was stone deaf, I don't have any answers but , I'm willing to listen.

[Tig]

I do hope it makes you feel a bit better sharing it Ruthie

Not a lot more you can do really is there? Seems to me like you have done your best, and there is no point in feeling guilty - it won't sort anything, just make you feel down in the dumps!

All together -



Tig

[blodau]

Ruthie

I hope you are feeling better having got it off your chest. You're doing everything you can reasonably do. It's important to remember that your Mum is a growed up. Just because we grow up doesn't mean we can't be stubborn on some things and not do what we should, but that's, at least in part, down to us. It's never an easy thing to care for someone, but your Mum is very lucky to have you around so don't knock yourself down. Give yourself a big pat on the back for being a good daughter and then have some [treat of your choice].

Good luck!

Blod

[Ladygardener]

Ruthie I do feel for you in this situation. From what you're saying I can't think of anything more you can do that you're not already doing. Good luck with trying to persuade her to keep using the drops, sometimes it takes these things a few days to start working.

[Ruthie]

Thanks folks for your support here!! Things are a bit better today. Mum came over and I brought the ear drops. She still said she wasn't going to use them as they made it worse. So, bearing in mind she is an adult (though I tend to treat her like a child and she tends to act like one!) I just said..."so what will you tell the GP when we go again?...It's no better but I didn't use the drops you gave me". Having thought about that she decided to give them another go so I administered them.
I suggested asking her neighbour to pop in and put the drops in for her but she said she would manage and she will try I know and if she doesn't put them in she will tell me as she is extremely honest!
Anyway we had a nice day. She came here for lunch then we, along with OH and the dog, went down to Ranworth Broad and had a little walk, then back to hers for a cup of tea.
I've also said I will take her away in May, up to Lancashire, where she comes from, so that has cheered her up too.
Phoned my Sister in France and told her too so she doesn't have to worry any more, until the next time!
Thanks again for listening!!

[Missredhead]

You are welcome Ruthie