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Post by Plocket on Nov 2, 2006 17:27:51 GMT
suddenly stopped!
"SQUEEEEEEEK!" Cried Sweep
Kale looked down at the writhing Sweep "We need an exorsist!" she cried!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2006 17:40:33 GMT
Yet another lump of bratwust hit the deck, and Sweep, now feeling slightly peckish again, not to mention disoriented as his head was on backwards, took a bite out of Thing and, finding it to his liking continued his meal. Thing, by now reduced to hopping about on his somewhat reduced digits tried to climb up the nearest tree.
'Aaaagh! Get it off! It's on my leg', screamed a voice in the dark...
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 2, 2006 17:56:21 GMT
"Oh! " said the elderly gentleman "I'm so sorry, I'm afraid that was me." Sweep glanced round and Thing managed to escape and disappeared into the darkness. Sweep looked round, balked of his prey, and the dark force which possessed him glowed red and hungry in his eyes. "OMG I'm never eating Bratwurst ever!" muttered Flash. Sweep drooled as he caught sight of Flash's manly thighs and he hunched down and prepared to leap. "OH NO YOU DON'T!!" said a voice from above...........
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2006 18:47:53 GMT
With one gigantic leap Van Helsing appeared in full flight after what was now the WereSweep.
'You are no longer hand in glove with Thing', he cried, aiming his silver crossbow at the slavering creature, 'Take that!' The arrow whistled through the air but the WereSweep caught it neatly between his teeth and rushed back with it to Van Helsings feet, his tail wagging. 'Go on', he squeaked, 'Throw it again!'
'This dog can talk', observed Van Helsing, 'and you know what that means'...
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Post by chickadeedeedee on Nov 2, 2006 19:19:12 GMT
........He is a witness to all that has happened!
Suddenly time stands still. The wind stops blowing. The clouds freeze in the air. No birds chirp. The dog needs to take a wee ........
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Post by Cheerypeabrain on Nov 2, 2006 20:23:09 GMT
......In the distance there is the feint sound of a horn (!) fanfare...then it is just possible to hear the approach of a rider, galloping with hooves of fire through the roiling turbulent skies...nearer they come until the awe inspiring steed charges overhead and thunders to a halt....at last we can look upon the rider......
it is the WONDEROUS BRUSSELL SPROUT MAIDEN
oOoOoOOoOOoOoOOOoOOOOoOoOoOOooOOoOoOOoooohhhhh
'Where's Reggie?'...she wails....'my pet monster-brussell-sprout'
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2006 11:46:30 GMT
... and all was dark. Brunhilde, the Brussels Sprout maiden, heiress to the land of Brassica and all that dwells therein, raised aloft a torch in one hand and her conch shell horn in the other and cried: "If harm was done to a single green leaf of Reggie's crunchy head, I shall use this horn to summon the mighty women of Brassica". Whereupon Sweep squeaked: "Brunhilde! 'Twas you I dreamt of all along. Will you not take me in Reggie's stead?" Upon hearing this, Brunhilde, her lip curling, looked down at the pathetic little creature and said ...
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 4, 2006 7:58:50 GMT
..."you have done a terrible wrong and have wreaked havoc upon this place" said Brunhilde, her magnificient bosoms heaving alarmingly. "but all creatures deserve a second chance. Come with me then to the land of Brassica and I shall show you the many wonders of the Brassica family. Farewell my beloved Reggie..." She gestured and Sweep leapt onto her arm, nestlling against her cast iron breast plate. With a regal wave she put her shell to her lips and blew mightly. They disappeared in a green stinking cloud and Flash and the elderly gentleman sighed. "I think I'm in love" said Flash. "Me too", said the elderly gentlman "but not with that huge fatbag....." There was a groan and Van Helsing looked at Flash and muttered..........
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 4, 2006 15:21:09 GMT
I'm writing this on my own now and the cider has gone to my head...shall I be really filthy and see if anyone notices.......? Maybe I'll have a nice fantasy about Wolverine...... ...who was the elderly gentleman? What happened to Welsh Blue and the man with the cigarette? Why did Sooty have to die? Did Thing really have his wicked way with a glove puppet? Why did C3D start this? Shall I have another cider and try and bake a cake afterwards? Did the actor who played Flash ever work again? Zzzzzzzzz..........
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Post by sleepysunday on Nov 4, 2006 15:47:13 GMT
Err... I beg to differ. I have to do the chores sometime.
Go for it
Another one?
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Post by Dutchy on Nov 4, 2006 16:49:16 GMT
At this point the reader from across the pond decided that enough was enough. I do not want to be kept waiting for the follow up while 4P has a nap. I now must go and get a beer and some bratwurst... oh no its the advertisement bit isn't it? Can I still escape and switch channels Oh noooooooo.
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 4, 2006 20:40:03 GMT
Ah Wolverine, how great is he? But you wouldn't really be able to fantasise about him - heaven knows what would pop out at the wrong moment! Might be awkward.....(and exceedingly painful) and now the cider's worn off and I cannot be filthy without another vatful. I can still be vile........... ... ..now where were we? Sooty's gone off with the fatbag, Flash is stuck with the dirty old man and Van Helsing is really Wolverine. Doesn't seem very promising does it? How about the fragrant Kale who is really Reggie, who was desperate to get away from the smothering fatbag so he manufactured the whole sorry tale.........
Kale's entire skin began to supporate and shrivel as green veins spread over her previously tanned wholesome flesh, a strange rotting vegetable smell filled the air as Reggie revealed himself..........
(Over to you then Sleepy - but I want some disco music and a glitter ball in there somehow..)
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Post by Cheerypeabrain on Nov 4, 2006 20:48:35 GMT
Suddenly, from the pulsating flesh, a small hunched figure staggered to it's feet. It kibbled back and forth for a moment on startlingly high platform boots...then lurched forward to stand, legs akimbo in the spotlight......
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Post by chickadeedeedee on Nov 5, 2006 1:50:22 GMT
Is THAT C3D ?!?!? Oh. No. She doesn't wear platforms.... What is that? A shriek bellows forth from the figure, as it now comes more into view. The wail continues but is difficult to understand the meaning. Oh my Lord! There she stands having had escaped from the greenhouse. It is ...... Baby Audrey. She cries out for all to hear: "FEED ME!" There is no where to run. No where to hide. Baby Audrey lurches forward and .....
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Post by Cheerypeabrain on Nov 5, 2006 19:13:14 GMT
swallows the greenhouse whole
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 11:13:26 GMT
(Congratulations on your 500 posts Cheery!!!)
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 11:14:28 GMT
There is a delicate crunching sound and suddenly Audrey isn't such a baby any more!!! Small lumps start to protrude from her smooth green body and then......
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Post by sweetleaf on Nov 6, 2006 11:32:12 GMT
hundreds of baby Audreys began to sprout from her body... each a tiny replica of Audrey herself, and every one hungry suddenly theystarted to sing (some really bad rock opera) ..... oh no!..who will save us from this horror....................................
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 12:38:55 GMT
In a flash of light Flash appeared "I will save you!" he announced and immediately rushed to where the greenhouse had been.
"There must be some somewhere..." he muttered as he scrabbled around in the gravel, pushing aside empty seed-trays and half used bags of compost.
"Aaaahhhhhaaa!!!" he shouted triumphantly.....
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Post by piggingardener on Nov 6, 2006 14:10:59 GMT
......as he pulled out a large bag of vermiculite. "This should do the trick, now all I need is a nice sharp...........
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 14:13:43 GMT
trowel so I can mix it with the compost. Oooh and pots would be good too!
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Post by piggingardener on Nov 6, 2006 14:20:49 GMT
"Great, here's some nice big pots, now, where did I put those seeds?"
Flash carefully mixed the compost and vermiculite and added a little miracle grow for good measure. Carefully extracting a small packet from his back pocket, he gently shook it's contents into the palm of his hand.................
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 14:22:53 GMT
"STOP" Kale shouted "You can't plant more! Just pot up the Baby Audreys and that will at least keep them in one place"
Flash looked at her, his chisled jaw jutting out stubbonly.
"But I want to plant seeds" He grumbled
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Post by piggingardener on Nov 6, 2006 14:32:12 GMT
"and besides, those baby Audreys can be vicious little blighters, especially the lumpy ones!"
"These seeds are very special, they grow instantly if planted in the right medium and they could be the answer to all our problems, just you wait and see"
He placed the pots of compost mixture on the ground, carefully pushed 3 seeds into each pot, watered them gently and then stood back. Suddenly.............
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Post by sweetleaf on Nov 6, 2006 15:36:18 GMT
From each pot three miniature Chris Beardshaws began to sprout ;D ;D ;D, they grew and grew until there was a veritable army of them, each complete with the biggest.........
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Post by lottielady on Nov 6, 2006 15:50:51 GMT
From each pot three miniature Chris Beardshaws began to sprout ;D ;D ;D, they grew and grew until there was a veritable army of them, each complete with the biggest......... Ooohhh Can I have one please??
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Post by Plocket on Nov 6, 2006 16:44:03 GMT
Ooooh I'll have one too please!!! ;D
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Post by sweetleaf on Nov 6, 2006 21:52:28 GMT
....pair of Felcos you ever saw (disappointed are we? ) the massed CB`s advanced on Audrey, and battle commenced the air was filled with the sound of screams and the.........
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Post by chickadeedeedee on Nov 6, 2006 23:25:41 GMT
....... battle commenced the air was filled with the sound of screams and then....... Then I woke up.
===========================================
So Doctor that was my disturbing dream. What does it all mean? Who is Chris Beardshaw? Baby Audrey? Flash? Am I gardening too much? Not enough? Am I over watered? Am I asking too many questions?
Here is where my Dearest husband picks me up and takes me out to the compost pile so he can have a restful night. ;D
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Post by piggingardener on Nov 7, 2006 9:20:50 GMT
....... battle commenced the air was filled with the sound of screams and then....... Then I woke up. =========================================== So Doctor that was my disturbing dream. What does it all mean? Who is Chris Beardshaw? Baby Audrey? Flash? Am I gardening too much? Not enough? Am I over watered? Am I asking too many questions? Here is where my Dearest husband picks me up and takes me out to the compost pile so he can have a restful night. ;D Oh no!!!! Is this really the end??? Really??
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