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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2006 13:21:08 GMT
... a vision of Postlethwaitian elegance, dressed in a lime green satin shirt, trousers of a rich velvet burgandy, held up with shocking pink braces, and open toed pale brown sandals. "Yes", the vision sneered, "You thought I had been slain by rulers and noxious gasses. You thought you had nothing to fear from a sandal-wearing, Guardian-reading, carbon-footprint-monitoring, lentil-eating geography teacher. I admit it: my lessons were boring. Well, the rivers of France ARE boring. And it's not much fun teaching snotty-nosed kids. But now I have made it my mission in life to ...
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 12, 2006 13:48:26 GMT
..run this planet the way it should be run. BY ME! No more Mr Nice Guy! I shall never try and be reasonable, understanding, thoughtful and selfless again! From now on you will obey me! No more white socks for men or women, no more bland, dull beige clothes...I'll ban lorries, caravans, adverts and commercial television. We will all read books, eat lentils and wear cardboard shoes (even in winter). I'll save the polar bears and pandas and tigers (feed politicians to them), everyone will be given an allotment and free brussells sprouts seeds...." the crowded figures began to cheer at this agenda, and the figure began to grow with each clap. "We do believe in Postlethwaite, we do, we do!" they chanted. " This planet needs me", he went on (and on) " I'll free all political prisoners, double the buses and trains (they'll run on the hot air released from all the sprout eating), I'll make you love all creatures, big and small and we will live in harmony with the insects, slugs, rats and capybara..." The chanting faltered and a pause hung in the air. "S'cuse me" said a small round female figure hiding behind someone's knees, "did you say rats, slugs and capybara?" Postlethwaite turned in a flurry of lime green ruffles and looked for the small figure. "Capybara are our friends" he said and a collective gasp ran round the crowd. "But we are gardeners" someone muttered and the mood turned ugly abruptly as.........
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Post by 4pygmies on Nov 14, 2006 6:24:01 GMT
...the new series of "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" started. In a turgid hormonal flurry the mists cleared, the deck was empty and Loinel Postlethwaite was alone, a pathetic overdressed egomaniac surrounded by bits of clematis and Brunhilde's empty breastplate. "Hello?"......he whispered forlornly "Where's everybody gone? Please don't leave me alone............nooooooooo................................................"
...the lights of Cleethorpes twinkled in the evening sky, the only sound the lonely scream of a single pterodactyl wheeling over the distant hills. The feral capybara snuggled together in the glowing firelight to watch Ant and Dec humiliate the pitiful humans. "Ah, that was a good evening's entertainment, our Edith" said Grandad Ratface, "Ssshh dear I'm watching the telly, said Granny Ratface "OMG what is that thing?? David who......?"
THE END. Or is it...................................?
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Post by Susie Snowdrop on Nov 14, 2006 19:06:04 GMT
................................FA planting his clematis at long, long last. He knew someone was watching him, he felt nervous, not quite comfortable yet wanted to reach out towards this entity! Suddenly, the ground beneath him began to move and he was aghast at what he saw reaching out to him ......................................................................
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